If you talk to teenagers about what they value the most, about 99% would say their cell phone. Sadly, I’m one of that 99%. But my cell phone is just my financial item that I value the most. My cell phone doesn’t even come close to my biggest value in life, my family.
*
Every teenager’s dream is to get a cell phone for when the turn thirteen. Mom’s and dad’s all over hear the same argument over and over again. My parents heard it just days before I became an official teen.
“I need it though ….mom!”
“No, you’re not thirteen yet.”
“But I will be, in a couple days … pleaseee!”
“I said no, that’s just one more thing I will have to pay for.”
“I’ll use it for emergencies only, and to contact you for rides and things like that.” “I won’t go over my minutes I promise”
“Promise is a strong word; you can’t break those you know.”
“Mom I know, I’m not a little kid anymore. You can trust me, please I want a cell phone.”
“You will just have to wait and see.”
And I waited, till June 2nd. The sun was just coming over the horizon, waiting to waken the earth below. Nothing stirred, even I was still sound asleep in my bed, just seconds away from turning thirteen years old. The silence was broken by a loud ringing. I shot up in my bed and tried to find the off switch on my clock, but the ringing didn’t stop. I listened closer to figure out where the annoying sound was coming from. I looked to my right and there it was , my cell phone. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” A light switched on and there in front of me, was my loving family.
My cell phone is my financial value because not only can I talk to my friends when ever, but because it is a symbol of my parent’s trust in me.
*
It was a Thursday night; the night before my big 6th grade poem project was due. Everything was perfect until, my throat became dry and I needed a drink. As I slowly went to put down the cup next to my nearly finished project, the cup slipped, and down it went. A red stain of Ocean Spray Cranberry juice lay before my eyes all over my project. As panic took over me, I could feel my eyes swelling up. I had worked so hard, and now it was ruined! I would never have time to make another one. As my mom was walking into the kitchen, she saw my puffy red eyes trying to hold back tears, and then the stained poster that lay before me on the table. “Oh dear, ” she exclaimed. I burst into tears. ‘”Don’t cry, we can fix it” she said calmly.
“No we can’t,” I cried, “I ruined it and I don’t have time to make another one all by myself.” “I’ll help you,” she said. “Us too.” My dad and sister said as they came into the kitchen. We came together that night, as a family. My project was finished and it came out pretty darn good, if I may say so myself (my teacher thought so too).
My family is my “priceless” value. They mean the world to me, and they always have my back. They are always there to help me up when I am pushed down. They are the most important thing in my life, and I love them with all my heart, and I hope they never forget that.
*
My two values are very different, but in a weird way, kind of similar.
My cell phone allows me to talk to my friends and contact people who I need to talk to. It gives my a feeling of responsibility. I like that my friends always have my back. And when you stay connected with people you feel like you belong.
My family cares and loves for me dearly. They always have my back, and make me feel like I belong. I have a sense of responsibility towards my family and they have responsibility for me. There will always be a special place in my heart for them, and a place in theirs for me.
16 comments:
brianna,
i thought this essay was awesome. i could tell that you put a lot of work into this. it must have sucked to have your whole project ruined. but you know what, your family was there to save you. i agree with you that family is the most important thing in life.
your essay had lots of feeling. when you spilled the juice i felt sad with you. you used a variety of words and you've got great word style. i enjoyed reading this great essay.i hope you write more great essays that i cdan read. great job.
Wow Brie I thought your essay was really amazing. You say that in life there are objects with pricetags and objects that are priceless. You value both your family and your cell phone, but your family is priceless. I think your family was really vividly described. My favorite part is when you talk about your whole family coming together to help your project get finished.
The stongest parts of your essay are the scenes that you describe, like asking for a cell phone and getting your project finished. I think next time, you should describe your cell phone a little more, like how much you value it. I enjoyed your essay, it was really good!
Brie,
Wow, your essay was so good. You value both your cell phone and your family. Something bought and another that you cant put a price on. I loved how vivid all of your sentences were. I had a picture in my mind the whole time.
The strongest part of your essay was definetley the detail in the essay. I could see everything. Next time I think you should say a little bit more about your cell phone. You did great though.
Brie,
Your essay was really good! You did a wonderful job comparing your cellphone to your family. I can see that you and your family are very close, and really do have eachothers backs. I thought that scene where the juice spilled was wonderful, it showed how just when you need them the most, you family will always be there for you. I also like how you described your cell phone though. In the beginning of the paragraph it was great how you described the scene, like the sun coming up over the horizon. I think that maybe you could have added a little more detail, when you talk about how you value your cell phone. Although it was a fantastic essay, I loved it!
wow brie amazing story!!!!!!! but not as amazing as you!! loveee youuuuu<33
Brie!
I loved your essay. I like the way you opened with comparing the value of your cell phone and your family. You also told us how much you value both, but that your family is worth more than anything.
I think your strength in the essay was in writing style. I love the way you compared your experience to that of other teenagers getting a cell phone. Try using longer sentences though. I loves your essay! Great job!!
BRIE!
I thought your essay was amazing. I really liked how you started off with you and your mom talking about how you wanted a cell phone, it really sucked me into reading more. When you were descrbing your family, it made me feel happy because i know exactly what you are talking about. You could really tell that you value both things, but that your family means so much more to you. Also you probably could have said a bit mroe on your cell phone, but it was still wicked good!=)
Brie,
WOW! I thought that your essay was amazing! It was so fantastic that I read it twice. They way you compared your cell phone to your family was perfect. I love how you described everything with a lot of detail so that the reader could get a clear image of what you were describing. Also, I loved how you used you voice in the essay. I could picture you reading it aloud, it definitely sounded like you (: Awesome job!
I enjoyed reading Brianna's paper a lot. My favorite part was how she explained her dilemma with her project and how her family all came together to help fix it. I also liked how she related her cell phone to her family. I think the comparison she chose was a really neat one. Most people wouldn't have been able to think of a neat way to compare those completely different values but she did it in an interesting way. A lot of thought came into this essay and I could tell as I read this. I liked Brianna's paper a lot.
This was a great essay. It had a lot of detail in describing both your family and your cell phone. I think the strongest part was when you described your family. I can really tell that both things mean a lot to you. I can relate to getting a cell phone because on Christmas I was so happy to get mine.
Brie,
your essay was amazing! Your conclusion was really sweet. I felt so bad about your project. you have a great family for doing that. I hope you got a good grade! Your are right about the cell phone because that was my priceless object too.
You had really good word choice and vocabulary. You also described both very well. You can tell this took you a long time. You did a great job!
What you seem to be saying about what is valuable is what makes you happy. The things that you most strongly value are your cell phone and your family. The value that you described most vividly and clearly in this essay was your family. This was your priceless value. One of the specific parts that I thought was well done was when you explained how your family helped you when your juice spilt on your poem.
In general, your essay's overall strengths was style of writing and description. I love how you put so much of your own voice into this essay. Try checking a little for grammar next time. I can relate to what you were saying about both your values.
brianna-
I thought your essay was really good! I liked how you kept it short and sweet. This made it easier for the reader to read it and also kept the sotry from trailing off topic. I agree with your decision that your family comes before your cell phone. Even though both are valued incredibly for many people, your family will always have your back. A cell phone doesn't have any of the qualities that a family does which makes a family so much more better.
I think your family was discribed best. It was very clear and easy to relate too. I think your strength in this essay was your writing style. Like Katie T's essay, yours had voice to it. This is a very important quality of a good paper. The whole time I was reading, I felt like I was standing with you listening to you explain why your cell phone and family are valuable to you.
Next time you begin to write an essay, remember to include more about both objects in your introduction. I really like how you added dialouge to your essay. This is another quality of an excelent essay! Very creative Brie!
Awesome job Brianna,
I like how you explained about your cell phone, and how your mom made you wait until you were 13 before she let you get one. I know the feeling. I couldn't get my ears pierced until I was 12, not a day younger. It's a big responsibility she would keep telling me, and you don't want to get an infection or something.
There were a couple of sentences that didn't "flow", but other than that it was really good.
Brie!!!!
I thought that you did a great job on your essay and I could tell that you put a large amount of effort into it. I thought that you did a great job in the essay talking about your cell phone and your family. I loved how you tied them together.
I thought that maybe the paragraph were well written and you put the same amount of detail into both, but maybe describe your cell phone. You did a great job though.
Brie,
I thought you did an amazing job. I liked how you explained both items in detail. I could tell you really value your family.
i think you could have improved on your beginning a little. otherwise i really liked your essay. Great job!
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