Everyone has something of value. Whether you’re rich or poor, there is always something you will value. You might value an object like an ipod, or a fun vacation with your family and friends. I can think of at least two different things that I greatly value and probably always will. One is my guitar, which I play almost every day. One other thing that I value is not something you can buy, a wonderful experience with my family, and some of their friends.
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I get home from school and play my guitar. I get lost in the music. To be able to play guitar is not just the ability to play an instrument, it’s a constant battle to be the best you can be. There are no boundaries, the only opponent is you. While I play it, I think about how I came to get it. I received my guitar for Christmas almost three long years ago. I had no idea. I came downstairs, to see a black case with the word Fender on it. I opened the case to find a brand new shining
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The day is cold, rainy, and I am miserable. My parents have invited many of their childhood friends and their kids to come to our lake house in
We begin to play Guitar hero 2, and I get to know them better. One was on the
Nightfall arrives, and I go to the basement to fetch the fireworks. No one knows what I’m doing except my dad and his friend Jim. I set up a few in the front yard, and light the wicks. A fiery explosion is sent into the black sky, and everyone jumps. I laugh, but am cut short from an explosion which hails from across the lake. I think, “They want to challenge us?” My Dad reaches for our 400 shot finale, and the giant fireballs. He lights them. 400 shells and 20 huge fireballs scream into the air with a crash! The adults begin cheering, and the fireworks from across the lake stop. I realize at the beginning of the day, I didn’t know these people, and now I feel like I’ve known them for a very long time. I think to myself, “What a great day this has been.”
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Two things I greatly value are my guitar, and the party at my lake house. These two things are very different. They are different because one is an object that I can hold and play, and the other was a day long event that I will never get back. They are similar, because when I play guitar I greatly enjoy my time playing by myself and with others. At the party, I had a wonderful time with other people as well.
Everyone has something they value. I think the things I value most are the things I enjoy. I greatly enjoy playing the guitar because it’s a never ending challenge, and I create fun memories playing it. I love to get lost in the music. I enjoyed the day at the lake because I got to tube, boat, and share new experiences with new people, and I will never forget that
11 comments:
I like the style you used in this essay. I really understand how much you like your guitar. I like how you told us that you were dreding the party but then explained that your opinion change. You might want more advanced vocabulary in your next essay. The way you described the party really pulled me into the situation. Good job!
Ryan L,
You are absolutely right about guitars. It is a struggle to be the best that you can be and your opponent is yourself. I like that you said that. It’s inspiring. I got my guitar for Christmas too, and Fender is definitely the best. If the picture is what your guitar really looks like, I’d say it’s awesome. I like that color. I didn’t know you wrote lyrics. So do I.
Guitar Hero 2 is one of the best things on earth! Who could live without it? I love tubing!!! The faster the better. Hee, hee. Fireworks are cool. I have to admit that your guitar paragraph should have been longer because your priceless moment paragraphs were the longest parts of your essay. You could have said something about the songs you can play, how often you play or something else. You do need better vocabulary too. The ending was a little weak, but other than that, I’d say your essay was really good.
Ryan -
I really liked your descriptiveness. There were a lot of adjectives used in this essay. I never knew you liked guitars that much. You are right about them, your only opponent is youself, and since you can never beat yourself, you will always have something to do with your guitar. I also like fireworks, and I set hundreds of them off on July 4th. This was a great essay and I enjoyed reading it.
I enjoyed this essay a lot, and I can really connect with the part about guitars. I just got a brand new Fender last week, it's not as sick as your guitar but it is good for learning on.
I liked how you talked about memories being valuable, I don't think anyone else did that the way you did. I thought that the day with friends part of the essay was the strongest, just because it was so much longer than the other one.
I thought that there were many excellent parts to this essay, such as the word choice, grammar and descriptions.
There were very few things to critique, howerver. Other than the comparison paragraph and the conclusion, which were a little short and weak, I think this is the best essay I have reviewed so far.
Ryan, I Really enjoyed the loads of detail you put into this essay. It seems like it must've taken a lot of thinking to compile these awesome thoughts into your assignment. Although i've never gotten a guitar for christmas, i can relate to how it feels to receive something of that value and use it all of the time. I'm like that with my computer. I would suggest that you could make a little stronger opening hooks, but besides that i thought your essay was fantastic.
I really enjoyed Ryan's paper. He used a lot of detail to describe his party at his lake house. As I read I had a clear idea of what was going on. I think he used a lot of good vocabulary throughout his essay. While I read that part about his guitar I could tell how much dedication and respect he gives it. I liked reading Ryan's paper a lot.
This is a very well writen essay. I can tell you really like to play your guitar. I thought it was funny that you dreaded people coming over. The description in this essay was great. I can relate to it because I play bass a little. The descriptiveness in your memories at the lake. All and all I thought this was a very nicely written essay.
Wow, this is a great essay Ryan. You did a very well job explaining your priceless time with your family and friends. You went into deep detail, and told what happened the whole day. I liked the style you used, and thinks its cool you play guitar for a hobbie. Whish I could, laugh out loud.
Ryan L
I really liked your essay. I specifically like how descriptive it was while talking about the party. I also like the emotion used during the guitar paragraph, I had no idea you enjoyed playing the guitar that much. I definately thought your party paragraph was the strongpoint. I thought the conclusion should have been better but over all it was a great essay. Nice job Ryan
Ryan,
I really enjoyed reading your essay. The writing style was really good. Also the wide vocabulary that you used drew the reader in just a little bit more. It sounds like you really like your guitar as well as spending time with friends and family. The strongest part of your essay was the way you desribed the party and got the reader feeling like they were there seeing this huge rainbow as a plane landed on the water. Your essay was very well-written and as I can see you are a really strong writer. I really enjoyed reading your essay and i thought that you did a really good job! :-)
Ryan, your essay was really good. I dont play guitar but i love to play Guitar Hero, its nasty. I can relate because I hate having to hang out with my parents friend's kids and having to entertain them. You used a lot and description about everything. I couldn't find many spelling or grammar mistakes. Overall, i thought you did a great job.
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