1:58 PM
Mr. B-G
“Grandpa, Grandpa! Could you read me a story, please?” Tommy asked his grandfather as he walked into his bedroom. “It’s way past your bedtime, sonny,” Tommy’s grandfather said. “Please? I’ll get to sleep right after it,” Tommy pleaded. “Well, alright, I guess it couldn’t hurt,” Tommy’s grandfather replied. “Way back when, a time when people believed magic and monsters still existed,” Tommy’s grandfather started. “Do monsters still live now?” Tommy asked with a fright. “No, no, not anymore, sonny, but before, many people believed they did,” Tommy’s grandfather explained. “Are you going to read me a story about back then, grandpa?” Tommy asked with glee. “I sure am, and it’s a good one, indeed,” Tommy’s grandfather said with a chuckle.
There was a young man training as a squire under the great King Arthur, who was destined to become his best knight. He wanted to become one of the twelve Knights of the Round Table. But the requirement seemed impossible for any normal man. Many tried; none were fit to be one of the greatest knights on Earth. This young man, had potential, not only physically, but as soon as the King set his eyes on this man, he knew he would be the right man for the job. Though the king had barely been wrong, he had to test this man nonetheless.
“Boy, these tests within the palace have been nothing compared to what you have to do in order to become a true knight,” King Arthur stated with authority. “I’ll gladly accept any challenge you wish to bestow upon me, sire,” The young man said. “Very well, then. Boy, state your name so I may show you the supreme challenge to test not only your body and mind, but to test yourself as one who had entrusted loyalty to not just me, but yourself, and your country. So come forth and state your name!” “Jacob sir, I am a squire of your army, and a loyal soldier to everyone in
The three months were grueling. Jacob trained himself far beyond what he believed his limit was, strengthening himself to the point where for a moment he thought he was invincible. Jacob reported to King Arthur that was setting off. “Good luck and Godspeed to you,” The King said as he sent off Jacob. Jacob started his quest in a small field outside of
The trip didn’t seem to take that long, it was a two night trip, as Jacob’s excitement and adrenaline made it seem like a couple of hours. When he arrived in
It didn’t take long for Jacob to arrive in
Later that night Jacob set his plan in motion. He crept with care as he made his way toward the room of the great knight. He carefully opened the door, peeking in to see if the knight was asleep, surely enough Jacob saw him in bed. Jacob quickly came into the room, spinning around a few times; making sure a trap wasn’t set. He approached the bed with caution; he drew his sword and trusted it through the lump on the bed. Just then Jacob knew something was wrong. All of a sudden a dark figure rushed at him, pinning him to the wall. “You believed it would be that simple to assassinate me? I knew I didn’t like you the second you walked into this kingdom! And now I can-,” The great knight started as he then fell to the ground, holding onto his leg, a knife was impaled into his leg. “That knife is poisoned, you won’t last much longer now,” Jacob stated. “Looks like you’ve gotten a little careless,” Jacob added. He tied up the knight, also tying his mouth shut, assuming he’ll be dead by the morning. Jacob quickly gathered his things, making sure not to leave a trace as he escaped the kingdom. As he made it back to
“His statue stands tall today in the town square, sonny,” Tommy’s grandfather said. “Wow grandpa, is that a true story?” Tommy asked. “Yes it is, sonny, anyway it’s really late you should get right to sleep,” Tommy’s grandfather said. “Do you think he’s still alive grandpa?” Tommy asked. “I still believe he’s out there, sonny, and he may be closer than you think. Goodnight,” Tommy’s grandfather said. “Goodnight grandpa!”
7 comments:
Awesome story, Jaysen!
I like how you made it a story about a story. You made the story of the story worth reading. I could almost feel myself egging the main charactor on. Nice touch, with the coy in the bed and the poisoned dagger. Way to go!
Good Story. I liked how it's told as a bedtime story. I liked how such a long story was condensed to be smaller. The main character did not change. It was important that he stay focused and not give up. My favorite part of the story was the climax. "As he made it back to Britain, the kingdom greeted him with open arms, as he returned a hero." was a good ending. I think the stories best quality was how it's being told as a story.
(Dang, forgot to put it as nickname. Anyway...)
Good Story. I liked how it's told as a bedtime story. I liked how such a long story was condensed to be smaller. The main character did not change. It was important that he stay focused and not give up. My favorite part of the story was the climax. "As he made it back to Britain, the kingdom greeted him with open arms, as he returned a hero." was a good ending. I think the stories best quality was how it's being told as a story.
Oh, and to improove future stories, asside from fixing grammer mistakes (I noticed some occasional camma misplacement), I would give a little more information about the characters and their motives/ feelings, so as to make a greater attachement to them so the reader cares about them more.
Wow, Jason, very good story, I thought of many different outcomes. I would have never thought that Jacob would have used a poisoned sword. A very well thought-out story, and well constructed story. In my thought, Jacob did change overtime in the story, because he got smarter on how to defeat his enemy and he used a quote from the king to defeat the knight. My favorite part of the story was when Jacob learned that the king’s quote would help him to defeat the knight. I think this was part of the rising action. The tales best quality is the word choice of the tale. It is also the quality to the dialogue that makes it good. The only thing I would suggest is when you have one person talking, and then another person is going to talk, you need to make an indent into a new paragraph. Very good story Jason, jeep up the good work!
Hello Jasen! I really liked reading your short story, I think it was realistic. Eventhough it was a fairytale being told. The main character didn't change, which made your story more believeable. The character didn't give up and fought for what he believed he had to do. Your story remined me of war type movies. I also liked how you kind of clued that the grandfather was the fighter.
My favorite quote was, "“Do you think he’s still alive grandpa?” Tommy asked. “I still believe he’s out there, sonny, and he may be closer than you think. Goodnight,” Tommy’s grandfather said. “Goodnight grandpa!” " I thought this was a good quote because it was a great closing phrase. I don't think there is anything I would change, like I said, I enjoyed reading your short story. Great job Jasen!
Jaysen, that was a very enjoyable and well-written short story. It felt like a real English legend while I was reading it. The only way the main character really changes over the course of the story is that when he trains he becomes a better knight than he ever thought he could be, and grows from a squire to a knight, fulfilling his dreams.
My favorite part of the story is when Jacob finally confronts Sir Allen. "The great knight started as he then fell to the ground, holding onto his leg, a knife was impaled into his leg." is an example of the action that occurs in this part.
I thought that overall Jacob's character was the best part of the story. His character feels very developed, and he is easy to relate to. The plot faltered a little bit at the end, but otherwise I thought that this was a great story.
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