1:43 PM
Mr. B-G
“One large pizza light on sauce!” Charlotte hollered over the large crowd that had formed in Antonio’s pizzeria. It was the beginning of a hectic summer, Charlotte could tell. Many families swarmed to the little town of Ketchikan in the summertime to experience Alaskan culture at its finest. The quaint fisherman’s village had an appearance all its own. Having the tourist shops built on stilts you always felt one with the ocean. The vibrant evergreen mountains frosted with sparkling snow were in every direction, and the strong aroma of fish always diverted your attention. On the downside being the rainy capital of America makes days of warm, glistening sun a rarity.
“A diet coke would be excellent,” a customer blurted impatiently as Charlotte was pulled from her thoughts. Waitressing at a family bistro was not a task Charlotte fanaticized, but it was her job, and she would strive to do the very best at it. She dreamed of going to college and having a real career, but she was not supported by her financial position. Her parents were employees at the local convenient store and could not afford to send her to school.
As she ran home from an exhausting day at work, hoping to avoid the storm brewing overhead, she came across an intriguing flyer that was whipping violently in the wind. On it was a couple dancing. The woman was dressed in elegant white gown that glistened and shimmered. The man was tall and handsome wearing a sharp black tuxedo. Charlotte could clearly remember the day she had done a brief ballet piece for a dance recital in high school. She had loved the rush of being on-stage. All eyes were on her as she went through each motion. She had gotten a standing ovation at the end of her performance along with a bouquet of flowers from her parents so proud. She bowed and curtsied brightly as she relived the memories.
“What are you doing?” questioned a familiar voice. Startled, Charlotte gasped; it was Jason, the chef at Antonio’s and Charlotte’s only friend around her age.
“I was just thinking about the dance I did last year,” she explained.
“What is that paper?” Jason question when he saw the flyer Charlotte clutched in her hand.
“Oh its nothing,” Charlotte replied shyly.
He confiscated the advertisement and read it carefully. “Look! It says there is going to be a dance competition in New York. Participants will train with certified dance instructors for 3 weeks at the New York City ballet. The winner of the competition will win $5,000 and an extraordinary bonus. Applicants must be 19 to 29 years of age. If you graduated high school with honors, your entire trip is complementary.” Excitedly he turned to Charlotte and begged her to try it.
“I’m not sure.” Charlotte was skeptical, but it was an incredible, free opportunity. She looked to her friend for guidance.
“I think it would be a memorable experience for you. Such a busy person needs to take time for herself,” Jason pleaded and finally Charlotte gave in. The two friends, huddled beneath Charlotte’s umbrella, paced home to announce the good news.
Just two short weeks after, Charlotte was on her plane agonizing over what her venture to New York would bring. She had never been far from her parents or traveled on a plane, this was a completely new experience.
A taxi was awaiting her arrival so that she could be escorted to The Plaza hotel. The extravagant structure sheltered Charlotte’s indulgent suite. She gazed outside her balcony window, bewildered that in 12 short hours her training would begin.
Her dance instructor was a slim, petite woman named Felicity. She moved with grace and elegance. As Charlotte’s eyes scanned the studio she found an entire room of talented dancers. For three strenuous weeks Charlotte and her opponents vigorously trained with Felicity to prepare for their big day. Charlotte repeated each step over and over until they became a natural occurrence. She knew all her efforts were going to pay off.
The competition day had finally arisen and a mass of people flowed into the theater. Each audience member was eager to watch the day’s festivities. After many magnificent performances it was Charlottes turn, the moment of truth. Although her competitors had skills, what Charlotte didn’t realize was so did she. Her sophistication and composer were compelling; and she moved with delicate grace. Charlotte had a captivating style all her own that hooked everyone’s attention until her final bow. An overpowering array of cheers and claps made Charlotte brightly gleam as the music ended. She ambled off the stage, filled with pride and excitement.
She wiped the sweat from her forehead as she anxiously awaited the judge’s final results. She told herself not to expect too much for she was an amateur among professionals. Just then she heard her name over the loud speaker, “Charlotte Baker, first prize!!!!”
She could not believe what she had just heard. She walked back to the stage with charisma and enthusiasm.
“Congratulations!” began one of the judges. “For your brilliant performance and motivation you will be rewarded with $5,000 and an exceptional offer!” At that moment Felicity came up to the stage and handed Charlotte the check with a mysterious envelope. She timidly opened it to reveal its contents. A dance scholarship to NYU!!!!!
So grateful and thrilled, Charlotte began to cry. “Thank you for this incredible opportunity,” she announced. “This has been a dream come true.”
She stepped off the stage to thank the judges and Felicity when three familiar faces came up behind her. Her mother, her father, and Jason awarded her with a much needed hug and a bouquet of flowers. They had worked extra hours to come out and support her. Together, they all went home.
“Can I have that pizza now!” an impatient costumer complained. Yeah, Charlotte thought, it will be one long summer’s end at Antonio’s, but just think of the adventures and possibilities that lie ahead this fall.
“A diet coke would be excellent,” a customer blurted impatiently as Charlotte was pulled from her thoughts. Waitressing at a family bistro was not a task Charlotte fanaticized, but it was her job, and she would strive to do the very best at it. She dreamed of going to college and having a real career, but she was not supported by her financial position. Her parents were employees at the local convenient store and could not afford to send her to school.
As she ran home from an exhausting day at work, hoping to avoid the storm brewing overhead, she came across an intriguing flyer that was whipping violently in the wind. On it was a couple dancing. The woman was dressed in elegant white gown that glistened and shimmered. The man was tall and handsome wearing a sharp black tuxedo. Charlotte could clearly remember the day she had done a brief ballet piece for a dance recital in high school. She had loved the rush of being on-stage. All eyes were on her as she went through each motion. She had gotten a standing ovation at the end of her performance along with a bouquet of flowers from her parents so proud. She bowed and curtsied brightly as she relived the memories.
“What are you doing?” questioned a familiar voice. Startled, Charlotte gasped; it was Jason, the chef at Antonio’s and Charlotte’s only friend around her age.
“I was just thinking about the dance I did last year,” she explained.
“What is that paper?” Jason question when he saw the flyer Charlotte clutched in her hand.
“Oh its nothing,” Charlotte replied shyly.
He confiscated the advertisement and read it carefully. “Look! It says there is going to be a dance competition in New York. Participants will train with certified dance instructors for 3 weeks at the New York City ballet. The winner of the competition will win $5,000 and an extraordinary bonus. Applicants must be 19 to 29 years of age. If you graduated high school with honors, your entire trip is complementary.” Excitedly he turned to Charlotte and begged her to try it.
“I’m not sure.” Charlotte was skeptical, but it was an incredible, free opportunity. She looked to her friend for guidance.
“I think it would be a memorable experience for you. Such a busy person needs to take time for herself,” Jason pleaded and finally Charlotte gave in. The two friends, huddled beneath Charlotte’s umbrella, paced home to announce the good news.
Just two short weeks after, Charlotte was on her plane agonizing over what her venture to New York would bring. She had never been far from her parents or traveled on a plane, this was a completely new experience.
A taxi was awaiting her arrival so that she could be escorted to The Plaza hotel. The extravagant structure sheltered Charlotte’s indulgent suite. She gazed outside her balcony window, bewildered that in 12 short hours her training would begin.
Her dance instructor was a slim, petite woman named Felicity. She moved with grace and elegance. As Charlotte’s eyes scanned the studio she found an entire room of talented dancers. For three strenuous weeks Charlotte and her opponents vigorously trained with Felicity to prepare for their big day. Charlotte repeated each step over and over until they became a natural occurrence. She knew all her efforts were going to pay off.
The competition day had finally arisen and a mass of people flowed into the theater. Each audience member was eager to watch the day’s festivities. After many magnificent performances it was Charlottes turn, the moment of truth. Although her competitors had skills, what Charlotte didn’t realize was so did she. Her sophistication and composer were compelling; and she moved with delicate grace. Charlotte had a captivating style all her own that hooked everyone’s attention until her final bow. An overpowering array of cheers and claps made Charlotte brightly gleam as the music ended. She ambled off the stage, filled with pride and excitement.
She wiped the sweat from her forehead as she anxiously awaited the judge’s final results. She told herself not to expect too much for she was an amateur among professionals. Just then she heard her name over the loud speaker, “Charlotte Baker, first prize!!!!”
She could not believe what she had just heard. She walked back to the stage with charisma and enthusiasm.
“Congratulations!” began one of the judges. “For your brilliant performance and motivation you will be rewarded with $5,000 and an exceptional offer!” At that moment Felicity came up to the stage and handed Charlotte the check with a mysterious envelope. She timidly opened it to reveal its contents. A dance scholarship to NYU!!!!!
So grateful and thrilled, Charlotte began to cry. “Thank you for this incredible opportunity,” she announced. “This has been a dream come true.”
She stepped off the stage to thank the judges and Felicity when three familiar faces came up behind her. Her mother, her father, and Jason awarded her with a much needed hug and a bouquet of flowers. They had worked extra hours to come out and support her. Together, they all went home.
“Can I have that pizza now!” an impatient costumer complained. Yeah, Charlotte thought, it will be one long summer’s end at Antonio’s, but just think of the adventures and possibilities that lie ahead this fall.
7 comments:
Kristen your story was good. I liked the details you used and the descrptions. It made for an interesting read. And when i read it , it wasn't boring. And i thought that was an interesting choice for plot.
Amazing description and diction. I especially liked, "she moved with delicate grace", and, "storm brewing overhead, she came across an intriguing flyer that was whipping violently in the wind". You spiced up average thoughts with great words. The story itself was great, too. I liked how you took two completely opposite settings and put them both into your story effectively; Alaska being so peaceful and pastural, and New York being so busy and alive.
Great story Kristin! Every sentence was captivating and made me want to keep reading more. You used excellent details and had great word choice. It flowed like a poem bacause every sentence was a treat to read. I liked how in the end Charlotte is looking forward to her bright future, and that she learned that if she really wants something, she can get it by working hard. Amazing job!
Nice job Kristen! I loved this story. I think you did a fabulous job of making the story flow easily and you added in a lot of description. The plot was pretty interesting and made me want to keep reading, especially when they announced who was going to win! Great job!
I love your story so much. You used amazing details."The vibrant evergreen mountains frosted with sparkling snow were in every direction, and the strong aroma of fish always diverted your attention."
I could really imagine the scenes you were describing. It wasn't like the other stories. It wasn't a boyfriend girlfriend type deal. It was about a person's love for dance. I love how the two settings were different. This girl who was so busy had an oppertunity to do something she loved. I think it was an amazing story!
I'm a little confused. I think what you're trying to say is that she worked at the pizza place, went to NY, won the dance competition, and went back to Alaska to work. Actually, I'm not sure that I'm confused anymore. I liked your details. I'm glad her best friend was a guy, you don't see that very often in stories it seems. It was interesting for her to go from a small town in Alaska to the big city.
Kristin, first off your exposition was fantastic. As some of your classmates mentioned, you do a wonderful job setting the scene of a small Alaskan village nestled amongst the pines and snowcapped mountains of our country's most rugged and undeveloped state.
You have some dialogue inside Antonio's pizza shop which helps give it an atmosphere.
Given the description you provide at the beginning, your reader begins to think the story will take place in Alaska. However, you throw in a twist with the dance competition in New York City.
I actually like how you have Charlotte go back to her village to continue working at the pizza shop until the end of the summer, knowing that she has NYU to look forward to in the fall. It makes her sweatshop-like job tolerable, as she knows something grand awaits her.
Your story is probably the third or fourth from this class that has featured dance as one of its topics. As for your title, it's almost like Charlotte has a dancing dream rather than an Alaskan dream, as she is already an Alaskan resident.
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