As the New Jersey sun sunk below the horizon, they sat around the dwindling fire as they watched the embers fiery red glow diminish. No words were spoken aloud, but among them everything was understood. No one could understand why this had happened. Such a tragedy on what was supposed to be the best time of their lives. One thing is for certain, this would live with these individuals for the rest of their days.
“Ring” the last bell sounded as the members of Rock Ridge High School fled from the building. That was the last bell of high school that the seniors would have to obey. A group of the senior class, John, Maria, Lewis, Colin, Stacey and Todd walked stealthily out of the double doors. “Gee, can’t believe this is the last day” Todd said looking back at their old high school. “Right, high school is over guys” Colin added.
“Well at least we still have our senior trip together before we all part our ways to college,” Stacey said with hope. As the group of friends admired what they had accomplished, a stampede of seniors ran toward them to get into their cars. Joshua Colin’s friend jumped onto Colin and gave him a noogie. “Yo bro, excited for Sea Isle?! We’ve got a load of “stuff” if you know what I mean” Joshua said quietly. Sea Isle is the secluded beach where their group of senior friends would vacation for the summer. The seniors had been saving all year for this event. It was no doubt the highlight of the year, and now it was finally here. After sharing this information with Colin, Joshua scurried off to catch up with his friends to prepare for their summer get away. “Ah I can’t wait guys! Me and Stacey are going home to pack we’ll meet you guys at Lewis’s house in about an hour okay?” Maria stated.
“Alright we leave at 6 sharp!” John exclaimed. He would be the one driving the crew down.
Six O’clock rolled around. John hurried everyone into his old black jeep. He hopped into the front and roared the engine. They were off. On the way down Todd had brought his CD mix he had made. It included many Sublime songs along with some Dispatch. Free-spirited, they shouted and chanted the songs the whole way down to the secluded beach house in Sea Isle.
The six graduates arrived at the Beach House when Joshua, red party cup in hand, greeted them at the gate. “Hello fellow graduates!” he said drunkenly, “Let’s get this party started!” He through a beer bottle at Todd and motioned for the group to get inside. Everyone followed inside excitedly except for Todd. Something had been burdening him for the whole ride down to the beach. Maria, who he was closest to in the group, grabbed his hand and dragged him into the house.
There were about 100 party goers inside. All of which were seniors. Sounds of Bob Marley filled the huge house. At that Todd left his troubles behind and partied with his best friends. John, Todd, Lewis, Colin, Maria, and Stacey reminisced on their high school years, and how long they had all been friends. “Let’s make a vow right here and now, we’ll stick with each other through the end. Nothing will ever make us befriend each other” Stacey slurred to the group. At this they lifted there cups and clashed them together.
The next morning, Joshua came into the room full of sluggish bodies and shouted at the room full of adolescences “Get up you bums! It’s beach time!” the crowd slowly opened their eyes and attempted to follow the orders. Finally the crew got up and followed Joshua to the beach. They had Frisbee tournaments all day long along with many other fun games. All of them enjoyed the fact that they were newly graduated seniors. But what was to come was unbearable.
Although Todd had been drinking and partying like the rest, he hadn’t been feeling that well all day. Todd had a secret that none of his friends knew about. He couldn’t bear to burden them with the awful news he had been carrying. He continued to act as though nothing was bothering him. As dawn turned to dusk he got weaker and weaker. Maria, John, Colin, Stacey and Lewis noticed he wasn’t being himself. They suggested a game of truth and dare. Meanwhile Todd tried to keep his pain to himself. He was experiencing crucial migraines. The drinking was not helping but, he didn’t want anyone to question his health.
Going around the circle everyone had a separate dare. When they got to Todd he was dared to climb among the ledge near the reef. “Come on they chanted have some fun!” Todd tried to respond but couldn’t. Lewis, who over the years he hadn’t been the closest with Todd, dragged him up to the ledge. Todd couldn’t contain himself any longer and with out control he wobbled off toward the edge. Lewis caught him just before he fell. Todd passed out among the rocks in Lewis’s arms. “Help!” Lewis shouted. Everyone ran to be by his side. He wouldn’t move. Maria crouched down next to him shook and cried out to him. There was no response. The ambulance arrived and after a few hours the surgeon came out in his long white coat. “I’m sorry but your friend didn’t make it. He didn’t have much time left…,” he said “but why did you let him drink?” They had no idea that Todd had been hiding his brain tumor from them. Now they knew and unfortunately nothing could be done. He was dead.
As the fire slowly started to die out, everyone gathered in a huddle. They cried in unison for Todd, for their best friend was gone. John rose a glass and muttered these words “for Todd, our beloved friend, rest in peace bro. Here’s to a Drink to remember this as the best times with Todd still here with us, and another to forget his loss.” At this the group swallowed their shots. He would always be with them.
Friday, February 1, 2008
A Drink to Remember and Another to Forget by Kay T.
1:56 PM
Mr. B-G
8 comments:
Kay, after reading your story I felt sorry for Todd's friends and for Todd himself. If he hadn't keep his secret to himself he might still be alive. Your story made me realize that life's short and it's important to live evryday like it's your last. Todd was an important character in this story because he showed us how shot life can really be and how it's important to be honest with your friends.
My favorite part of the story is the beginning:
"'Ring' the last bell sounded as the members of Rock Ridge High School fled from the building. That was the last bell of high school that the seniors would have to obey. A group of the senior class, John, Maria, Lewis, Colin, Stacey and Todd walked stealthily out of the double doors."
This passage shows how excited the seniors were to have graduated and how oblivious they were to their friends furture. I think that your description helped to make your story good. You were able to make the reader picture each scene as you described it. I liked your story a lot!
kayyy-
your story was great!! it was really sad though. it made me want to go and tell Todd what an idiot he was for drinking when he had a brain tumor. When you talked about the beach it reminded me of that episode in one tree hill, i dont know if you saw it but it was in the third season and they have a huge party and it sounded like what you described. Your main character doesnt really change internally, but he dies so that's like changin i guess. My faveorite part was in the beginning when you talked about the seniors finally getting to leave and they didnt have to listen to the bells anymore. my absolute favorite line was "As the New Jersey sun sunk below the horizon, they sat around the dwindling fire as they watched the embers fiery red glow diminish. No words were spoken aloud, but among them everything was understood" because your word choice was perfect. I think that your word choice was your strongest part of your story. Some things i would change would be that joshua's last name wasn't colin because that was the other guy's name. and i think the dialog could have been a little more realistic. But i loved reading your story and you did a great job!
oh heyy kay! your story was great and really touching. It was super sad though. Your main character doesn't change that much in the story but i think it wouldn't be the same if you did have him change. He was more having an internal struggle rather that struggling with other people. My favorite part was the beginnig of the story. You did a great job describing how all the seniors felt, some excited and others not so much. "As the New Jersey sun sunk below the horizon, they sat around the dwindling fire as they watched the embers fiery red glow diminish. No words were spoken aloud, but among them everything was understood" I chose that quote because i thought it was a fantastic way to get the reader into the story, it was a really good opening hook. The strongest part of your story was your vocabulary. Overall i think you did an amazing job. Next time though i would have added a little more dialog or details of the resolution.
I liked how the story starts off with a mystery from the beginning. It's very descriptive, especially in the beginning, so i got a good picture of what's going on. I don't think the main character changed much. He was determined to hide his secret throughout. My favorite part of the story was the exposition, because it starts off at the end of the story, only you don't know what's going on. "As the New Jersey sun sunk below the horizon, they sat around the dwindling fire as they watched the embers fiery red glow diminish." is a very descriptive sentence. I thought the best aspect of the story was the mystery of what happened all the way through. For advice, I would have a slightly longer ending next time.
KAYY, your story was great I liked it a lot actually. It was a little sad thought in a good way Your main character doesn't change that much in the story but i think it wouldn't be the same if you did have him change. He was more having an internal struggle rather that struggling with other people. My favorite part was the beginnig of the story. You did a great job describing how all the seniors felt, some excited and others not so much. "As the New Jersey sun sunk below the horizon, they sat around the dwindling fire as they watched the embers fiery red glow diminish. No words were spoken aloud, but among them everything was understood" I chose that quote because i thought it was a fantastic way to get the reader into the story, it was a really good opening hook. The strongest part of your story was your vocabulary. Overall i think you did a fantastic job babe!
Kay
I thought that your story was amazing. I really felt bad for Todd's friends because they didn't know that he had the tumor in his head. Todd was an important character in this story because he really was the main character. And with what happened to him it showed that with not knowing something about someone and what it could do to them it could really change their life.
I think that your story was amazing and that you did a really good job on describing the scenes.
Kay,
After I read your story, I felt very sad. However, your story was one of the best ones that I’ve read. You did such a great job describing everything and it was about something that changed all of their lives. The trip was supposed to be one that they would never forget, and they wont, but not for a good reason. I feel like yelling at Todd because he knew he was sick, and still chose to drink.
My favorite part of the story was the first paragraph. You incorporated a little bit of foreshadowing and I could wait to read what would happen next. “As the New Jersey sun sunk below the horizon, they sat around the dwindling fire as they watched the embers fiery red glow diminish. No words were spoken aloud, but among them everything was understood.”
Overall, I think that the strongest point of your story was the plot. Each of the five story elements was very clear, and they were strong in their own ways. I also think that the description you incorporated was a very strong point. For the future, I don’t have anything to recommend. I thought it was really great. Keep up the good work! Awesome job :)
HI KAY!
I loved your story. Even though I think Todd is stupid and he should have never been drinking. Your story made me think that all it takes is one bad decsion and it could ruin your life. My favorite part of your story was "'Ring' the last bell sounded as the members of Rock Ridge High School fled from the building. That was the last bell of high school that the seniors would have to obey." It made me think of how exciting it is when summer begins and how more exciting it must be to be seniors graduating.
I thought you had great description and keep up the good work!
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