2:44 PM
Mr. B-G
The businessmen in their suits and briefcases stroll the sidewalks of the human-infested town of
At 9:00 A.M., the specialist stock brokers were turning on their computers, and were getting ready to start the daily screaming of words that sounds like a car pile up involving a thousand cars. Cooper Jensen was very new to this broker job, and was starting his job at 24, straight out of college, and is beginning to see the tricks of the trade, and it helps to be the loudest person in the Wall Street to get your prized share. Jensen was observing for the first few days, and saw that on the minute that the stock market was going down. It was not a big jump to the bottom of the tank, but it was heading down at a small angle, and it was not fluctuating back up.
Jensen wondered what had happened to the stocks, and the brokers were yelling louder and louder, until he could not hear himself think. He quickly asked his business partner, Felix Loris, what had happened. Felix had stated, “It was no big problem, it was only a network lag in the system.” Felix nodded, and was back to watching what the people did in there brokers job, and the daily ring of the market closed the market at 5:00 P.M., and everyone gathered there things, and left the building as quickly as they entered.
Cooper was looking at all of his notes that night and put together helpful strategies and times that would help him in the broker job tomorrow morning that he would be joining. Some of his notes were to be the loudest person in the room, and to make sure do your research first, before you trade. After he reviewed his papers several times, he went to his normal bed, turned on his normal alarm clock, and shut off his normal bed light. But he would not realize that this broker job he wanted to be in would make him anything but normal.
Cooper did not have a car. He did, however, have a subway pass. Then he got in the crowded subway car, and got off the car at station B2, and walked all the way to Wall
Street. He had felt that it was a good day, but then, one of the worst things that cold happen to the
Cooper was having a great day, he was screaming at people, making good money through stocks, and having an adrenaline rush of finding the right information as fast as he could possible. The stock market was rising, and the economy was going up. He was specializing in selling stocks for Bungie game studios, and the stocks were being sold, and the profits were going up and he was making money. The stock market was slowly going up, and the nation’s economy was making enough money and more.
He was having his 30-minute lunch break of a turkey sandwich, pasta, and fruit, when one of his co-workers ran into the lunchroom, screaming,” THE STOCKS ARE GOING DOWN! THEY ARE DROPPING LIKE CRAZY!” All Cooper was thinking was ,”great, I thought I was going to have a wonderful first day of work, and look, the stock market was crashing. This is definitely the WORST thing that could ever happen in the
He did not know what to do, since he was new to the job, but he huddled everyone together and said, “What can we do to fix this, and fix it fast?” Everyone was looking at each other, puzzled about what to say, and no one looked like they knew what to do. Finally, some one came with the idea to shut the stock market early. The co-worker talked with the supervisor, and the stock market was closed for the first time at 3:47 P.M.
He then went home early, and wondered what went wrong at the stock market. He thought of numerous outcomes of what happened at the stock market. He wrote every outcome he could think of down, from a company selling all of there stocks, or a company buying a lot of stocks from numerous companies, but none of them made sense. Then, he then remembered that “glitch” that happened during the time he was reviewing the broker job. He thought that had something to do with it, and he investigated it the next day.
He logged on to his stock market trading log, and realized that 500 million stocks were lost. This answered everything about what happened that day. He copied what he found to a flash drive, and showed it to the federal agents, and they tracked down the IP address where the stocks were stolen. It turned out to be from a 9-year old boy from
Cooper Jensen saved the country from a total depression because he did not want to lose his job, and wanted to help the community from what he learned in broker school, and improved the ways of getting better stocks and improved the security measures for the stock market. Now then stocks are in a secured network, and the specialist brokers use headsets more to communicate with other brokers, so there wouldn’t be any noise violations next door.
4 comments:
Interesting story, Nate, and you included a moral. I expected you or Danny would write a story based on something related to Halo. Anyway, the whole stock thing was unique, I liked that. Not much of a plot though, but enough to make it a good short story. The character doesn't really change much to what I have read. My favorite part was with the nine year old boy hacking Bush's account, I find that funny. I noticed a few errors, though, just a couple of grammatical error the computer wouldn't pick up, another thing is don't change from the character's first name to last name, you only did it once, but it's enough to confuse people. Other than that, it was interesting. Nice job.
Good Job Nate. The thing I liked was the intriguing descriptive introduction and the way the story is told throughout. I got a good picture of the character and his life from those first few paragraphs. I think the main character does change some because at the end he is more confident in himself and his abilities. If he didn't change, then the moral would be lost. My favorite part of the story was the exposition because I liked how it painted the picture of new york and the people in it.
I think the stories best quality is it never got boring because of the variety in sentence style and vocabulary.
I would fix some of the comma usage and not switch between first and last names of characters for future stories.
Hello Nate! I think your short story was really good! You had great description, and a good moral. While I was reading your story I was thinking about how one little change or effort to help someone else is the biggest thing someone could ever do! Your main character does change. From a somewhat overwhelmed man into a man who wasn't afraid to get to the bottom of things.
My favorite quote was, "The sidewalks were congested at the crack of dawn at 5:00. The roads were already screaming with the high-pitched sound of car horns. Many people were getting settled in there 10’ by 10’ cubicles in the 200 story skyscrapers, but one thing that defines the city of New York and is the definition of what big-time corporations and fortune 500 businesses live by, is the stock market." (Yeah, I know its a big quote!) I really thought this was well written and very describtive. I don't tink there is anything I would change. Great job Nate!
Great story nate,
This reminded me of Halo. I thought the part with the stocks was cool. I don't really think the character changes that much, and thats because there is nothing really life changing in the story.
I guess my favorite part isn't where a 9 year old boy is able to hack in to Bush's account. I think the good thing about your story is that it is interesting. My advice to you, is to make more of a story plot.
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