Coming to Terms by Morgan P.

“Daddy, where’s mommy?” Jordin asked quietly. A tear rolled silently down the six year olds face. Her shoulder length dirty blonde hair blew back slightly in the soft wind.

The pair walked silently along the sidewalk, watching the families running around having fun. Jordin should’ve been among them. The warm summer night was perfect for activity, and the setting sun cast beautiful colors into the sky for all to see. However, this wasn’t a pleasurable night in the least.

Alec wished with his entire soul that he could maintain his usual composure, and be as strong as the trees that lined the path upon which he and his daughter were now walking. However, as much as he longed for strength, it didn’t come at his call. Alec just couldn’t bring himself to answer Jordin’s lingering question.

“Where’s mommy?” Jordin repeated. “Daddy, is everything okay?” And still, Alec said nothing in return. When he saw the concern and fear growing in her eyes, he felt himself tearing up. He swallowed the urge as soon as he felt it. Crying was not something he did very often, and Alec did not want to shed a tear in front of his daughter, for then she would know that something was wrong.

The only thing that kept Alec from breaking down was the intent focus he kept on the building looming at the end of the sidewalk. He focused on the song that was running through his head, ‘just put one foot in front of the other.’ When he was a child he enjoyed singing that song wherever he went, but now it had kind of a scary effect. Alec didn’t want to end up where the path was taking him. However, after what had seemed like an eternity, Jordin and Alec had reached the church.

“Daddy, is mommy in here?” Jordin’s face brightened at the thought of seeing her mother.

“Yes honey, Mommy’s in here.” Jordin already saw it in her mind’s eye. She and her father would enter the church through the door in the back, and her mother would be chatting with Jordin’s godmother, Auntie Erin. They would turn around and smile, and Jordin would receive her mother’s lap as a prize for not making a lot of noise throughout the service. Jordin wiped the tears from her face and smiled, revealing her two missing front teeth. She took her daddy’s hand and entered the church.

Jordin was very confused when she entered the church and she didn’t see her mother or Auntie Erin in the back pew. Instead, she saw a church decorated with lots of colorful flowers, reminding her of the sunset outside. Jordin portrayed her confusion in her expression when she peered up at her father, who was staring straight ahead. Jordin followed his gaze up the center isle, where she noticed a big, black box.

Alec bent down on one knee so that he was eye level with his daughter as he asked “Hey Jordin, are you ready to see mommy now?” When Jordin nodded, still a little mystified by the whole situation, the two approached the black box. Alec scooped up Jordin in his arms and held her close as the two of them looked down on Kristi’s face. Her eyelids were closed and her peaceful disposition was there as always.

“Daddy, why is mommy sleeping?” Jordin asked this question sincerely. Pure wonder resided in her eyes. When her father inhaled and exhaled slowly, Jordin grew worried.

“Sweetie, Mommy’s not sleeping. She’s in heaven now, with God.” Tears now streamed down Alec’s face as he bent down and looked into his daughter’s eyes.

“Hey mommy,” Jordin said now turning to her mother. “Don’t worry about me or daddy. You can have fun in heaven with gramma and grampa now. Me and Daddy will take care of eachother. We will love each other forever and ever, and we will always love you.”

Of course at only six years old, nobody expected Jordin to grasp that her mommy was gone for good. And truth be told, she didn’t. However, what Jordin did understand was the fact that wherever her mommy was, it wasn’t with her, and that was the part that pained her. Jordin was perplexed by the fact that her mommy wasn’t there that night to tuck her into bed. The few tears that she shed that night were nothing compared to a few nights later, when Jordin really missed her mommy. She really wanted her mother to come back from heaven. Despite the fact that Jordin missed her mom, she still did not completely understand that her mother wouldn’t ever be coming back home.

On her 7^th birthday, Jordin was pretty sure that her mom wouldn’t be coming home. Ever. She and her dad spent the entire day together, and at bed time she asked him the question that had been present in her young mind for many weeks now.

“Daddy, mommy’s not coming back from heaven is she?”

“No sweetheart, she’s not.”

A wave of sadness washed over her as Jordin realized that she would never see her mother again. She thought back to one of the few things she could remember about her mother.

Jordin remembered how the rush of wind in her face had felt so exhilarating the first time her mom pushed her on a “big girl swing”.

“AAHHH!” she screamed playfully and giggled aloud as she felt her mom’s hand on her back, pushing her higher, and faster still. The warm summer wind was present on her rosy-red cheeks when she rushed forward, and it forced her hair into her eyes when she swung back. Then her mom was in front of Jordin, pretending to catch her feet whenever she came forward. Jordin laughed even harder when her mommy acted like Jordin had kicked her. Then before she knew it, Jordin was back on the ground, trying valiantly, but failing, to become weightless and again feel the wind on her face. Then, she felt her mother helping her off of the swing. Jordin was even more grateful to be in the arms of her mother. She found herself wishing that it could just stay like this forever, her resting in her mother’ arms, peaceful at last.

Jordin was jolted back to reality when her dad kissed her softly on the cheek, saying only “Good night my angel. I will love you forever and ever.”

“Good night daddy. I will love you for always.”

Perhaps some of her mother’s wisdom had come back to Jordin in spirit, but Jordin knew that she would need her mother when she was older. It was the inevitable truth. But Jordin had mad a promise to her mother almost a full year ago, and it was one that she had every intention of keeping. As hard as it would be to grow up without a mother, it would be even harder to grow up without a mother and a father. Jordin would always love her father. And she absolutely refused to forget her mother.