Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Lake by Ryan L.


The sun beamed down on the gleaming water below. Another day at the lake. My friends Jim, Amy, and Charlie set up the wakeboards, and we took the boat out of the dock for a day of fun. I was the driver of the boat, and responsible for the passengers and the wake boarders. First up, was Jim, who caught an enormous amount of air his first jump, but crashed into the cold water. Next was Amy, who ended up with the same fate. “The water is too choppy,” Charlie said, “let’s go to the north side of the lake, the water should be smoother there.”

“No way!” I exclaimed. “The lake is 182 miles around we could get lost, or sink or …”

“Sink?” Jim laughed, “Do you honestly think our new boat is going to sink?”

“Probably not,” I stated, “but I don’t want to have to be rescued if anything happens.”

“Nothing will happen,” Amy retorted. It was a three to one vote against me, and so we left towards the north end of the lake.

The drive lasted for over an hour, because of the immense size of the lake. I had been using a map to guide me along my journey, but a wave hit our boat, and I lost it in the water. When we finally reached the north end of the lake, the water was as flat and smooth as a pancake. Charlie put on the wakeboard, and jumped into the water. As he did this, fog began to appear on the lake. When Charlie began, we could see him holding onto the rope. He landed some huge tricks like a back flip, and a toe side 540 which is 1 ½ rotations in the air. Amy, Jim, and I were all very excited and I didn’t regret my decision of coming to the north side of the lake.

The fog became thicker, and eventually, we couldn't see him any more. I stopped the boat to bring him in. Jim pulled in the rope, but Charlie wasn’t there! We began to shout, out his name, but there was no reply. Fear set in. We drove around for at least 30 minutes and then the engine shut down. We were out of gas. Our fear turned to panic, as my worst nightmare became a reality.

I had no idea what we should do. Many questions shot into my head, “Should we stay and wait for help? Should we continue our search for Charlie? Should I use a flare gun or air horn to signal for aid?” I answered these questions myself without consulting the others.1. We shouldn’t just stay here, as we may have little chance of getting rescued. 2. We shouldn’t search for Charlie because in our attempt to rescue him we could become tired, or be moving farther and farther away from him. 3. The flare gun is out of the question because in this dense fog, it would be unlikely for anyone to see it.

I believe my final decision was the right one. I decided to use the air horn because it’s loud, it doesn’t need to be seen for help, and if Charlie could hear it, then he might try to swim towards the signal. I took out the air horn, and held it high in the air. It erupted in a violent blow. The echo roared into the hazy abyss. I signaled a few more times just in case someone might be looking for us. Nothing happened, and the light gradually became less and less until nightfall finally arrived.

It was the scariest night of my life. It was pitch black; the only sounds were the frightening wind and the waves crashing over the sides of our boat. I couldn’t sleep for fear that I might fall overboard. I closed my eyes and prayed it was just a terrible nightmare. A wave jolted our boat, and I hit my head on something hard. I was out cold. When I awoke, the sun was shining, and both Jim and Amy were asleep. My head was throbbing in pain, but I couldn’t focus on that. My focus had turned outside the boat. In the distance, I saw land! I woke my two drowsy friends from their slumber, to tell them the news. Immediately, we began to paddle towards the land in the distance.

After a long and strenuous paddle, we arrived at the shore. A sign read, “Welcome to Longboat.” Longboat was on the eastern side of the lake. We had drifted almost 45 miles from the north end. There was a coast guard station nearby, and we told them what happened, and how we had lost Charlie. They quickly set out in search of our companion in hopes he might still be alive. Another coast guard member gave us a ride to our house on the south shore. My parents were deeply relieved when they knew we were alright, but their celebration was cut short when they noticed the absence of Charlie.

A few hours later the coast guard pulled up to our dock with a wet, and freezing Charlie. He was instantly taken inside and changed into dry clothes. Once he had dried off and warmed up, he told us what happened. “I was boarding, and the fog set in very quickly. Then, I went for a back flip, and I couldn’t tell where the water was. I smacked my head, and all I remember was hearing the boat drive off. I did hear the air horn, but I was too disoriented to swim towards it. The next thing I knew, it was daytime and the coast guard brought me home.”

We were all thankful that everyone was safe, and no one had died. But after this experience, I’ve learned to trust my judgment, and not give into what others want, because the consequences could be disastrous.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought this was a good story. It was very realistic and it sounds like it actually happened. I think it was good that the man did not die in the lake. My favorite part of the story was when they got to shore and got help from the US Coast Guard. That is probably the first thing many people would do if someone got lost in the water. I liked the resolution because no one died and they all got to go home. I really like this story and there is really nothing I would change.

Anonymous said...

Interesting realistic fiction story you wrote there, Ryan. You were descriptive on the setting and I liked that, id say that was your strongest point. My favorite part was probably when the lightning jolted the car; the most suspense was when that happened. I don't have any suggestions for you, you did great telling the story, and it felt like I was watching them the whole time.
I don't really think your characters changed over time, unless I missed something

Anonymous said...

Ryan.
I thought your story was very interesting. It sounded very realistic and it could actually happen. That was my initial reaction.
I don’t think the main character changed very much over the coarse of the story. His emotions stayed basically the same and everything.
My favorite part of the story was when the people on the ship got to shore. It showed that the story was going to end with a happy note.
The stories best quality I would say is the description you used. It made it sound like I was actually there, or watching it on the TV or something. I liked it.
One piece of advice I would give you is to add in a little more dialogue to make the story a little more intense. Other than that, great job!

Anonymous said...

Ryan,
I really liked your story. It kept me interested when you started to describe the fog. The character changed over the course of the story because at the end they said that they learned to trust their own judgement and to not go along with someone else.
My favorite part of the story was during the climax because I had no idea what had happened to Charlie. "The fog became thicker, and eventually, we couldn't see him any more. I stopped the boat to bring him in. Jim pulled in the rope, but Charlie wasn’t there!" I liked this quote from the story because it began the tension. The best part about the story was the resolution because the main character learned that they should trust themselves more. I think that next time you should focus on the characters a little more. Great Story!

Anonymous said...

Ryan your story was very good! I liked it alot. My favorite part was when everyone got to the other side of the lake. I also really liked the climax.
The climax kept my attention the most. I'm glad that the main character came up with a list of ideas he could do. That was very smart. I don't really have any suggestions for your story, just maybe describe what the characters look like. Otherwise your story was awesome!

Anonymous said...

I liked the story a lot. It's right out of a short horror movie, but it's believable. The descriptions were vivid and Incorporated some intriguing vocabulary. The main character changed a lot. He learned to not give in to pear pressure but to be safe and go with your own ideas. My favorite part of the story was in the middle when they were pulling in the rope with no one on it. That's a chilling image. "Our fear turned to panic, as my worst nightmare became a reality." sets the mood of fear. I think the best quality is the descriptions and the general way the story is told. In the future, try to edit it for grammar mistakes, specifically comma usage.

Anonymous said...

i liked your story a lot. it was suspensful right to the end. i kinda figured someone would find charlie.
i felt like i was there and this really happened. did it? the main character doesn't really change during the story because if he did he wouldn't have blown the air horn.
my favorite part was when the coast guard brought charlie home and he told everyone what happened.
i think the dialoge and description were the best parts of the story. i have no suggestions because i thought it was great.

Anonymous said...

Ryan, I thought this was a really good story. I liked it so much because it was so realistic and it sounds like this actually happened. It also kept me interested when you described about the fog. My favorite part of the story was when the people on the ship got to shore. It showed that the story was going to end with a happy note.
The stories best quality I would say is the description you used. It made it sound like I was actually there, or watching it on the TV or something. I liked it.
I don't have any suggestions for you, you did great telling the story, and it felt like I was watching them the whole time. I don't really think your characters changed over time, unless I missed something.