10:15 AM
Mr. B-G
Sitting in his room, Matt was listening to the acoustical sounds that poured out of his record player, and thought about the girl he met last night at the pier. Her hair was wavy from the cool salty ocean breeze that hit it that night, and her eyes we’re the deep blue that you only see in magazines. He couldn’t stop thinking about her and the way she so calm and collectively swept him off his feet for the first time. She introduced herself as Brooke, but Matt was too star-struck that he stumbled to reply. She had left her number in the palm of his hand, and said she would love for him to call her. That night, Matt thought forever whether to call her or not, whether to show her that he was really swept away. He neglected to call, and sat and wrote the lyrics to a song he believed would be the ticket to this girl’s heart.
No one knows Matt’s past. He wasn’t the best kid back in
Matt woke up the next morning with paper stuck to his face, and the pen still lodged in his hand. It was Saturday and he was undecided on his plans. He looked at the pad of paper that he had wrote the beginning of his song to, then picked up his acoustic guitar and started strumming gently on the strings. The mellow music he was creating attracted his mother to come stop by his door for a quick listen.
Matt’s mother, Susan adored her son, and believed that moving to
Matt knew he had to call Brooke, knowing that if he didn’t he might loose her before he even truly had her. Brooke went to Matt’s school also, and was well known. Matt had never seen her though, until that night. He was too afraid to call her. She was gorgeous, he was okay. She was the definition of clean-cut, and he wasn’t. He sat there the rest of the day writing the song.
Blue eyes that would be the title of the song to this girl’s heart Matt had decided. But that Monday at school, Matt saw something that completely destroyed his hopes, and all that he had worked on for the past weekend. He saw Brooke walking the halls with an arm around her waist, and a boy attached with it. Matt left school early, and decided to go on a binge. Drug of choice, pot and his poison was Jack Daniels.
Matt knew he was cleaning up, but whenever he needed to just relax that was the combination he went to, and today was a huge exception. Matt was so hopefully that this girl would be the one for him, but when he saw Brooke with an arm around her waist his hopes were crushed. After 2 hours of smoking and drinking Matt was out of his mind. He didn’t know where to go next. Back in
With his guitar in his hand and the lyrics in his heart Matt walked to Brooke’s house with one thing in mind; to win her heart over. He was nervous to knock on the door to her house, as his hands became very clammy. She answered the door, with a jaw dropping look. Her eyes looked beautiful Matt thought, and that was why this song was perfect for her. She led him up to her room, and Matt began, “I need to prove to you, that even though I only met you once, you are amazing, and I would really like to know you better, so this is for you.” Matt began to sing the song he had spent all weekend complicating. He sang,
“Let me take your coat
To cover up the note
I finished yesterday
Telling you the way
I am without you
Cause I’d be lost forever if you slipped away
Blue eyes you’re the reason for my change.”
The acoustics’ played out perfectly, and the look on her face was exactly what Matt was going for. The song continued but the message was still the same, she was the one for him, she was the reason for his change. Brooke managed to hold back tears. She had never been treated this way before. Most guys that liked her only liked her for what she did in bed, but this guy was different. When Matt was all done with his song, Brooke went over to him, clasped his hand in hers and kissed him. “You’ve got me,” Brooke whispered.
8 comments:
Wow.
That is an awesome story. I like how you rounded out Matt's character with distinct flaws, as well as Brooke's. It isn't a completely new plot line but you made it your own. I love that there was no real character connected with the arm on her waist, it was just 'a boy.' I like that you put part of the song in the story. I could almost hear a melody in my head. Your word choice could have been a little stronger. Good job!
Casey,
I really loved your story. It had a very interesting exposition and I agree with Libby that Matt's character was explained really well. You really got a back round of him and his problems. I was really happy with how the story ended. When Matt went through a distinct change at the end it made me think about how certain things can change you for the better and it's so true. Throughout the story I couldn't help but feel bad for Matt. I just wish he had a good friend to talk to and I'm glad he found Brooke. Maybe in the future you could use larger vocabulary words. I loved this story great job Casey!
Caseyyy
I loved your story. I thought it was really cute and realistic. The story made me think about how people can change and also how to not give up on your dreams. Matt really wanted Brooke and by not giving up, he got her. You clearly showed that Matt changed throughout the story. At first he was kind of shy and nervous but by the end he was more outgoing and showed this by knocking on his crush's door and singing her a song. The story would have been a lot different if Matt didn't break out of his shell because he wouldn't have had a chance with Brooke. My favorite part of the story was when you described Brooke. I liked when you said, "Her hair was wavy from the cool salty ocean breeze that hit it that night, and her eyes we’re the deep blue that you only see in magazines. He couldn’t stop thinking about her and the way she so calm and collectively swept him off his feet for the first time." It stood out to me because it was extremely descriptive. I think the best quality was the plot. It was really creative and I enjoyed reading it. The only suggestion I have is to maybe add more dialogue. Overall, I loved your story. Good Job!
this was such a cute story. it was amazing howit was written. you are a great writer. after reading this it made me think how some poeple just change over little things like a girl that he barely even knew. but at the same time it was a good thing. the main character had changed tremendously. he went form big time pot head and alcoholic to being this sweet boy that played his gauitar and worte songs.
My favorite part was when he was walking up to her house and he started to get nervous. i just thought it was soo cute. i have no advice for you. i really enjoyed reading your story and it was very touching! good job!
CASEY, awesome story i loved it! I thought it was a really cute story and everything. It made me realize how quickly people can chage, sometimes for the better and others not so much. Matt deffinetly changes throughtout the story. At first he was kind of shy and nervous but by the end he was more outgoing. My favorite part of the story was when he was talking about Brook. "Her hair was wavy from the cool salty ocean breeze that hit it that night, and her eyes we’re the deep blue that you only see in magazines." It was very discriptive. Your story was very cute and i loved it, great job!
Awhh that was such a cute story. I think that Matt is every girl's dream guy. I know that if a guy did that for me I would let him be mine. Matt changed from being a drug and alcohol addict to a lovestruck boy that would do anything for Brooke. If the character had not changed, I do not think that he would have gotten Brooke to fall for him.
My favorite part of the story was when Matt sang to Brooke.“You are the reason for my change; you saved me from myself, blue eyes.” That was my favorite quote because he showed her how much she meant to him by saying so few words.
I think that this story's best quality is that it is able to touch the hearts of teenage girls and let them know that they shouldn't settle for anything less than perfection. Next time you could consider using better word choice and editing skills.
Casey, I thought your story was amazing. I really liked how you portrayed both the characters and how they had to change throughout the story. The main character goes through a drastic change from being into drugs and alcohol to clean cut. My favorite part of the story is when Matt goes to Brooke's house to sing her the song. I really liked how you put part of the song in the story.
I think your best quality was just writing it. It seemed effortless for you to write that story. One thing i think you could work on however woould be you choice or words. Otherwise great job.
Casey,
Amazing story! I liked how you made Matt never give up on what he wanted. It was really cute how sweet he was to her and that he wrote her a song. Obviously the character changed by the move and his new love. It shows that there is hope for people to change there ways.
My favorite part of the story was probably when he sings her the song he wrote. “The acoustics’ played out perfectly, and the look on her face was exactly what Matt was going for.” The best quality of the story was the description, mostly how you described Matt. Great job!
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