Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Murder by Anna K.

She opened the patio door onto a view that looked like it went on forever, like it couldn’t be stopped by anything or anyone. Just like the women looking at it, Carmen, no matter what crossed her path she never let it stand in her way. A tall, strong women both mentally and physically with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. She was a murder investigator and couldn’t let little things stand in her way.

She let the cool breeze envelop her in its clutch, something she rarely did. She needed a break from her latest case. She was overwhelmed with the amount of work she had to do. She stayed outside for a while and thought about the case. This is the first Saturday that she isn’t at her office. Normally, she would be sitting in her huge office shuffling through papers. Although her office was so big she felt as if it was no bigger than the ordinary cubical. It didn’t matter how many people were around her she still felt alone. She couldn’t do this anymore, she needed a sign to go back home to her family, maybe just for a little bit, so that she doesn’t loose herself completely. She took a deep breath and came inside.

She sat down at her mahogany desk and began to look at the evidence for the hundredth time. She couldn’t find anything knew to come closer to the verdict of the case. She closed all the folders that she had out. She got up, put on her coat and left to take a walk and clear her head. As she slowly made her way down the tree lined boulevard she felt something, as if she was being watched.

“You’re being paranoid, Carmen” she said out loud to reassure herself that everything was o.k.

“You’re not being paranoid” a sharp male voice said from behind her.

Carmen turned around and saw a broad man looking at her. She was paralyzed and told her feet to move but they wouldn’t.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“I want you to quit the case that you’re investigating” he snarled.

“Why?” she snapped back.

“Because, this case doesn’t concern you”

“I’m a murder investigator, anything to do with murder concerns me.”

“This is out of your league, there is more to this than you think. You don’t know everything.”

“What don’t I know?”

“I can’t tell you, look I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if you don’t do what I say.”

Before she could say another word she was off running with the man behind her. It’s like she had no control over what was happening. She kept running until she reached a nearby café. She knew that he wouldn’t hurt her in a public place, to many witnesses. As she knew what she had to do. A few minutes later she stood up and left with a large group of people and as soon as she turned the corner she dashed to the bank where she would get enough money to travel to her family. She wouldn’t go back to her house, she might

have been scared but she wasn’t stupid, he must have known where she lived if he was following her. She would hopefully leave that night without the man knowing where she was or how to get to her.

This was the sign she was waiting for. She needed her family. She wouldn’t quit the case however, she couldn’t let some bully push her around. She thought about who could have sent him and why and maybe there was more to the case, more than she knew, but that just made her want to know more. No matter how much she hated her job, it was like a drug, it was addicting. She had to solve it.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anna!

Awesome! After reading this story I felt scrared for the investigator. I remember how you described her. That was really good. I could see the man threatening her. This story made me think of all the Lifetime movies I've seen.

The main character does not change in the story. This is important because she needs to stay brave. This is the way that the story arc is dependent on the main character's personality.

My favorite part of the story was her confrontation with the man. This occured in the rising action. A line that I liked is "She let the cool breeze envelop her in its clutch, something she rarely did." What this stands for is the way she felt when she stepped outside.

This tale's best quality is it's description. A line that goes with this is "A tall, strong women both mentally and physically with dark brown hair and hazel eyes."

What do you think would happen if you checked your grammar usage more? Other than that I thought it was fantastic!