Sunday, September 7, 2008

Ender’s New Recruit By Kyle W

The sloping hallway of the battle ship was absolutely still. Not a sound could be heard anywhere, save for Ender’s continuous footsteps as he made his way towards the bunk of the new Dragon Army of which he was the new commander. There hadn’t been any such army for several years, and if what Colonel Anderson had said was true, then there would be no army like it. Ender had been told that many of his new recruits were highly skilled veterans, a trait that could very well win them their battles. There were also supposed to be many Launchies in his group, kids new to the space station.



Ender arrived at the bunk door and opened it, revealing an elongated room of bunk beds where twenty or so kids were doing various things. Some were sitting on their beds talking, while others were on their desks, silently working or playing. Still others, mostly the smallest ones, seemed to be simply sitting on their beds in deep thought. It was immediately clear to Ender that his army was mostly Launchies, with only a few veterans. The moment he entered the room, all heads turned his way and all eyes fell upon him. Some of the children appeared frightened.



“Are you the commander of our army?” said a particularly tiny boy towards the front. His body was heavily scarred.



“Yes, I am,” Ender answered, and then, addressing the entire room, said, “My name is Ender, your commander. For those who do not know, the lights go out at twenty-two hundred hours every night, and come on at six hundred hours, so, for your sake, get your sleep at night. Each morning, a paper will be slid under the door that says if we have a battle that day, with which army, and when.” He paused for a moment. The veterans seemed to be the only ones who knew how the battle notices worked, while most of the Launchies were looking at each other as if Ender were speaking a foreign language. He finished, saying, “As you were.”



The scarred boy who had perked up when he entered the room intrigued Ender, so he sat down beside him as a quiet hum of chatter filled the room.

“Hello.”



The boy hadn’t noticed he wasn’t alone, and when Ender spoke, he jumped violently. Ender didn’t flinch.



“Why is your body so scarred?” he asked, wondering if the boy would mind discussing it.



For a moment, it seemed as if the boy wouldn’t answer, but after staring at his shoe, and letting his eyes dart to Ender’s and away again once or twice, he inhaled slowly and said, “My mom.”



“Your mom?” Ender repeated.



The boy nodded. Ender slowly reached for his arm to try and examine the old wounds, but the boy pulled away gently.



“What’s your name?”



“David,” David answered quickly, still not looking at Ender.



“What happened with your mother that gave you these scars?”



It seemed like David was about to cry, but he contorted his face slightly, apparently forcing back the tears. After a moment, he looked in the complete opposite direction of Ender, as if there was someone to his right, and said, “She used to make me so happy. We were the perfect family. I don’t really know what happened… she started drinking more… she was looking less pretty every day… some days she wouldn’t bother putting on her make-up. And eventually, she started telling me to do more and more chores, until I was doing all of them, all day long. She wouldn’t allow me to play with my brothers… and she would yell at me a lot. Her punishments were getting worse… She would hit me more often… and then harder… and then she would do other things… She always told me I was such a bad boy… She hated me.”



Ender just stared at him. He couldn’t imagine his own mother, so kind and gentle, hurting him. Although, something had occurred to him: David said his mother hated him, and that she didn’t let him play with his brothers…



“Were you the youngest child?” Ender asked quietly. David nodded.

Just as he had thought: David had been a “Third,” when the law only allowed two children per family. Perhaps the government had authorized it, but if it was how it sounded, David’s parents had never wanted a Third, the same way Ender’s parents never had.



“Sounds like you were alone most days,” Ender stated solemnly. “Like… like an outcast?



David squinted as tears began to escape his eyes, and he nodded again.



“I know what it’s like,” Ender said, almost whispering, feeling strangely vulnerable. “It seems like everyone is so different from you, so normal.”



David remained silent, so Ender asked, “When was your monitor removed?”



The little boy pointed to a very recent scar on his neck, sniffling, and he made an odd noise that sounded like, “Week ago.”



“Did your mother stop after that?” For the third time, David shook his head, and his sobs became audible. A few Launchies in the neighboring bunks turned their heads to see who was creating the fuss.



“She became worse,” he said, his voice broken, trying to wipe away the gushing tears from his cheeks. “She figured they had decided they didn’t want me. I had become a complete waste of space to her. It wasn’t until five days later, when that colonel came, that she stopped. That was last time I ever saw her.”



He calmed down. The thought that he was free of his mother seemed to make him feel better. Ender was staring at him again, unbelieving. As alone as he was, Ender had someone who loved him back home, but he pushed thoughts of Valentine away. David had nobody. Well, had nobody. He did now. For the first time since he had come aboard the ship, Ender had someone who he could completely relate to, and David did as well.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

After reading Ender’s New Recruit by Kyle Whelihan, I am glad that I chose this
essay to read. He wrote it very well and included a lot of details. It made me feel like if I had not read either of those books, it would make me want to read them. I remember that Ender had tried to comfort David by telling him that he was a third child too but he did not tell him that he was not treated like David. I can picture a small child with burns talking to a child, not much older than himself in command. I have an idea of how the room would be with all of the beds and groups of children talking.

I think that the conversation between Ender and David could've been a little longer and have more details. Even though he did a good job writing, I felt like I was missing parts of the story that needed to be there. I did like that Ender tried to comfort David by asking him about his monitor and i think that sounded real and almost like they were meant to be in the same story.

My favorite part of the story was "It seemed like David was about to cry, but he contorted his face slightly, apparently forcing back the tears. After a moment, he looked in the complete opposite direction of Ender, as if there was someone to his right, and said, “She used to make me so happy. We were the perfect family. I don’t really know what happened… she started drinking more… she was looking less pretty every day… some days she wouldn’t bother putting on her make-up. And eventually, she started telling me to do more and more chores, until I was doing all of them, all day long. She wouldn’t allow me to play with my brothers… and she would yell at me a lot. Her punishments were getting worse… She would hit me more often… and then harder… and then she would do other things… She always told me I was such a bad boy… She hated me." I liked that paragraph because it sounded very professional and almost like I can actually see the boy standing there, almost in tears telling about his life. It sounds so believable, and so unbelievable at the same time.

One thing in the story that I found problematic was that at the beginning, I was a little bored. It wasn't one of those stories that just pulls you in! It took me a minute or so to actually get lost in the reading. After that, I couldn't stop reading. I really liked the way the story was ended though.

In order to make your writing better, I think you could probably put more details into it. You could also make a rough draft before you write because it seems like you are not pulling it all together enough. I think that this story overall was very good. I liked it!

Anonymous said...

After reading Ender’s New Recruit by Kyle Whelihan, I am glad that I chose this
essay to read. He wrote it very well and included a lot of details. It made me feel like if I had not read either of those books, it would make me want to read them. I remember that Ender had tried to comfort David by telling him that he was a third child too but he did not tell him that he was not treated like David. I can picture a small child with burns talking to a child, not much older than himself in command. I have an idea of how the room would be with all of the beds and groups of children talking.

I think that the conversation between Ender and David could've been a little longer and have more details. Even though he did a good job writing, I felt like I was missing parts of the story that needed to be there. I did like that Ender tried to comfort David by asking him about his monitor and i think that sounded real and almost like they were meant to be in the same story.

My favorite part of the story was "It seemed like David was about to cry, but he contorted his face slightly, apparently forcing back the tears. After a moment, he looked in the complete opposite direction of Ender, as if there was someone to his right, and said, “She used to make me so happy. We were the perfect family. I don’t really know what happened… she started drinking more… she was looking less pretty every day… some days she wouldn’t bother putting on her make-up. And eventually, she started telling me to do more and more chores, until I was doing all of them, all day long. She wouldn’t allow me to play with my brothers… and she would yell at me a lot. Her punishments were getting worse… She would hit me more often… and then harder… and then she would do other things… She always told me I was such a bad boy… She hated me." I liked that paragraph because it sounded very professional and almost like I can actually see the boy standing there, almost in tears telling about his life. It sounds so believable, and so unbelievable at the same time.

One thing in the story that I found problematic was that at the beginning, I was a little bored. It wasn't one of those stories that just pulls you in! It took me a minute or so to actually get lost in the reading. After that, I couldn't stop reading. I really liked the way the story was ended though.

In order to make your writing better, I think you could probably put more details into it. You could also make a rough draft before you write because it seems like you are not pulling it all together enough. I think that this story overall was very good. I liked it!

Anonymous said...

Mr. BG, I couldn't figure out how to delete my first comment, but I entered my name in wrong and I did not want to get credit taken off for doing it incorrectly so I did it twice!

Anonymous said...

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