Alfred is a 14 year old boy that lives in Harlem. He goes to a gym every day to work out with boxing. He has to get up early every day and run. Alfred is a colored person; he is about 5 feet 7 inches. He had a friend named James but he was being stupid one night and trying to rob a store. So he got caught and went to jail.
One day when Alfred was walking down the street he saw a kid probably around the same age as himself playing basketball by himself. He thought to himself, “should I go over there to play with him and give him company?”
Alfred goes over to him and says,” Hey what’s your name?”
Ender, the kid says. “Want to shoot some hoops,” Ender replies?
“Sure, where are you from I haven’t seen you here before,” Alfred says?
“Yeah I am not from around here but you don’t need to know that though,” Ender said.
“Ok whatever, do you want to come over for dinner were having Mac and Cheese,” Alfred says?
“Sure that’s fine with me,” Ender replies.
As they got to Alfred’s house Alfred asked if Ender could sleep over and it was a yes. So all night they were talking about sports and who they liked the most. Mainly (the sports) was just basketball because that is the sport they both loved the most.
Then the conversation came up as Ender why you are in Harlem?
He said that he needed a little vacation.
“From what,” Alfred replied?
“See at school I have to be taught how to become a warrior and kill all of the buggars which are kind of like aliens. They lived on a different planet. That was basically my life. It was great and I was great at killing to. One of the top in my class. I was getting trained for the 3rd battle which by the way we won. So basically I came up here because I needed a break until I have to fight them again because I set the buggars loose again,” Ender said.
“O so you are good at fighting I see,” Alfred replied?
“Yeah I am,” Ender said.
“So listen to this I have a kid who has been bullying me and I need some help, so do you think that you can help me beat him up,” Alfred asked?
“um sure I guess,” Ender said.
The next morning Alfred and Ender walked down the street to find Major the kid who bullies. They both saw him standing at the corner of the sidewalk on North Main St. They walked up to him and he was making fun of Alfred because he is so much smaller than Major. Major is 6 feet 3 inches and 250 pounds. He is strong and mean. So Ender speaks to him and says,”hey shut up you overgrown loser. Major throws a punch and they all start a brawl and 2 on 1 fight.
It was a nice close fight all had black eyes but turns out major came out short and lost.
Ender and Alfred both walked home proud and strong.
Alfred says,” finally he’s off my back; I am the king of this town now!”
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Found Friends by Chris M
5:30 PM
Mr. B-G
2 comments:
I like this story because it kept me entertained throughout the whole thing. It also got to the point quick and that's what I like about it. What I can remember from this story is that Alfred is out on the street and he sees a kid by himself and he decides to go over and shoot some hoops with him and his name is Ender. I can picture this vividly because I have seen people playing basketball before. This story made me think about living in the city because thats probably what it's like.
I thought the conversation between the two characters worked good in this story and it flowed good. In the conversation they both talked about what they like to do personally and not through the author telling us and that was good for a change.
I don't really have a favorite line from this story because I like the whole thing and to me it is kind of humorous. At the same time though it is serious and it makes sense and is very creative. So I don't really have a favorite part of the story, the whole thing is my favorite part.
I think at the beginning you described Alfred very good but you didn't describe Ender good and that was one thing that was a problem for me. One other thing was that the story needed some more excitement it was kind of boring at parts but it was still entertaining.
Pretty much everything that I just said in the last paragraph you should consider next time. Maybe next time you could start your story off with action so the reader is hooked right away. Maybe next time instead of just describing one character you can describe both of them equally. That is all I have to say about your essay.
I. I thought that the story was really good. I remember the huge fight when Alfred and Ender beat up Major. I liked how Alfred got revenge on major and that Alfred is the best now. I see Alfred and Ender walking up to Major and the fight starting up. The story made me think about how Alfred was bullied and how Major treated him so bad. I liked how the story was very organized and that it got right to the point.
II. The conversation between the two characters seemed very authentic. I liked how the characters used a lot of dialogue. Some details that show how the characters dialogue seemed authentic is when they talk about what is going on in there lives and what they like to do and what they do not like to do. Thats why I thought that the conversation between the two characters were authentic.
III. My favorite part of the story is when Alfred and Ender fight Major at the end."Will you help me beat up Major, the kid who bullies me?" "Sure," Ender said. This part of the story stood out to me because Alfred asked Ender if he would help fight Major out of nowhere and really caught me by surprise. I really liked how Alfred got revenge on Major. That is why the fight was my favorite part of the story.
IV. One thing that I found problamatic about the story is that there were some misuses of grammer. One example is when the author used the wrong use of to. The author should of used too at the end of that sentence. Some of the sentences were also confusing at parts too. There was one part too when the author should of used a coma. Other than that I thought that the story was very good.
V. One piece of advice that I would give the author would be, to try to describe the setting a little more than you did in the story. Maybe next time you could also use more descriptive adjectives and better verbs. You could also try to make a better conclusion to the story. I thought that the sory that you wrote was very good and wanted me to read more.
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