Sunday, September 7, 2008

A friend at last by Lindsay C

It was a rainy day with patches of fog in the autumn air. Dave Pelzer, a twelve year old boy, was walking to school being able to hear the grumbling of his stomach from not being allowed to eat in days. It soon became harder to walk; he got weaker and weaker from each step he took. He wished that he could have someone to talk to about all the horrible things occurring in his life. After what seemed like forever, Dave arrived at his new school in Poland. As he passed through the hallways, he received looks of disgust. He assumed this was because of the filthy white shirt his mother sent him to school with everyday. Dave had hoped that his new school would be better than the previous because other students always made fun of him.

It was lunch time and Dave had just finished history class. He decided he would stay there and rest until lunch was over because there was no use in going to the cafeteria when he had no lunch and no money to buy anything. Dave felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. He turned around and found a beautiful young woman.

“Hello, my name is Rebecca Berlin, I’m your history teachers daughter.” she greeted him politely.

“Hi, my name is Dave Pelzer, I just moved here.” Dave responded.

“Would you mind if I ate in here?” Rebecca asked.

“No, its okay, I’d love the company.” Dave answered.

It was a short conversation, but it made Dave feel slightly happy because someone had actually talked to him without being mean and saying nasty things to him. Rebecca had been kind enough to give him half of her sandwich. When the bell rang, Rebecca said she would meet him outside of the front blue doors at the end of the school day. Dave was so excited!
The rest of the day seemed to go by so slowly. All through his classes Dave noticed a lot of things about his new school. All the white walls had a tint of yellow on them. In the corners there were huge spider webs. Dave was surprised when he looked out the windows in his math class.. There were all sorts of colorful flowers and plants inside a greenhouse. There were beautiful colors and he could smell the dampness of the air from the rain that had came down that morning. It was a bit shocking that the school looked so much nicer on the outside than on the inside.
Finally, it was time to leave school. Dave nearly ran down through the hallways and shoved the front blue doors open. Rebecca was waiting on the wooden bench near the freshly cut grass. Rebecca and Dave headed out of the school grounds to take a walk.

“How long have you lived here?” Dave questioned Rebecca.

“Well it’s actually a really long story.” She responded.

“I have plenty of time.” Dave giggled.
Rebecca began by saying, “When I was younger my grandmother always read to me the tale of Sleeping Beauty. Before my grandmother died she told me that this tale wasn’t any fantasy, she claims she herself was Briar Rose. I had made a promise to her that I would look more into this tale that was no longer a fantasy. This is when I decided to go on a quest to Poland to try and unravel this mystery.”

Rebecca went home when they passed her street. It was a very wealthy neighborhood and she had a beautiful tan house with a very big yard. Dave walked home and was happy to realize that Rebecca and he only lived two blocks away from each other. He had such a great afternoon that he forgot about what awaited him at home, his abusive mother. As soon as he walked in the old squeaking white door, he was instantly in danger. His mother asked him where he had been for the past hour. As his punishment, his mother filled the bath with freezing cold water and stuck Dave’s head into it. His head soon became so numb; he couldn’t feel any part of his body. Finally, after what seemed like forever, his mother moved her hand and sent him straight down to the garage. The garage was Dave’s room. There was a cot with a thin sheet that never kept him warm enough. Oh, how he wished he could escape.

The next morning came fairly quickly. Dave and Rebecca walked to school together. As they were walking into school, Rebecca experienced how rude and obnoxious the other students were to Dave. The day before, she had noticed he was wearing that same old dirty white shirt and wondered why, so she asked him why he had worn the same things two days in a row. She immediately regretted asking and felt a pain of guilt strike through her body when Dave started to get tears in his eyes.

“Meet me outside of the first cafeteria, I’ll explain there.” Dave responded.

The two new friends parted as Rebecca went to her mother’s classroom and Dave went to math class at the other end of the building and up the flight of stairs.

All morning, Rebecca had been so anxious to listen to what Dave had to say. The bell finally rang for lunch and she raced to the cafeteria. Her and Dave went in together and sat at one of the round lunch table near the windows. She noticed Dave didn’t have a lunch, for the second day in a row, now she became very curious what was going on.

Dave began, “My mother abuses me, emotionally and physically. She is always telling me how bad of a child I am and how I don’t even deserve to be living in this world. If I make one mistake, she does something brutal to me such as taking my hand and burning it on the stove or shoving my head into freezing cold water, trying to drown me. The reason I never have lunch is because my mother starves me. I am also socially isolated.”

Rebecca and Dave walked back from school together after a really emotional day. Rebecca finished what she had been talking about the day before.

“So I went to Poland and stayed with my cousin. She and I were on a mission to figure out about Briar Rose. After a while of searching and asking around, my cousin found an old man that was able to give us all the information we needed. He took us back to World War II; this is where I learned the truth and horrifying story of my grandmother’s life. She ended up being Briar Rose.”
Dave had been so amazed at what a great person Rebecca was. She was thoughtful and caring enough to hold a deathbed promise. After their conversations, they both decided they would always keep and touch no matter what happened because they could talk about anything with each other.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading your essay about Briar Rose and A Child Called It. I feel that you really knew what the two stories where about. It described them thoroughly and were well written. I could really picture him sitting alone in the classroom and her coming in the ask to sit with him. Also, i could picture him telling about his abusive mother, and her mother abusing him when he was a hour late from coming home. This story made me think if they still where friends after the story, if his mother was still abusive and if both of them still lived in Germany.
Yes the conversation between the two characters seemed authentic. It made them seem natural because there in school, and they meet each other, walk home together, and meet again the next day. This seems natural because people do do this in real life.
My favorite part on Lindsay's story was the line "Dave Pelzer, a twelve year old boy, was walking to school being able to hear the grumbling of his stomach from not being allowed to eat in days. It soon became harder to walk; he got weaker and weaker from each step he took." This was my favorite quote because i could picture him from reading the book. I knew how hungry he was and how his mother only gave him food occasionally. If she ever did give him food he would have to gulp it down in 2 seconds or she would take it and feed it to the dogs.
One thing I found distracting in this essay was a run on sentence, "Dave Pelzer, a twelve year old boy, was walking to school being able to hear the grumbling of his stomach from not being allowed to eat in days." I think this could be broken up into two sentences. It's a very good sentence its just a little long.
I think you could improve your writing by adding a little more dialogue and descriptive words. You already have a very well written story but it could be a little better by adding some more words that could make it juicer.