Thursday, April 12, 2007

When the colors laid down the sun to rest by Jack M.


When the colors laid down the sun to rest,
And the final whisper of wind was breathed,
When her eyes were cast far into the west,
It seems as though she could no longer see.

Those eyes had seen things meant for no other,
Drowned in a harsh pain of paralyzed fear,
They tried hard to dissect and uncover,
But what did they know of ashes and tears?

And there upon the cliff is where she felt safe,
Where she could forget all the troubles of life,
It was where she returned day after day,
To escape from the dark, and enter the night.

Until her soul faded into the sky,
None could tell her she was too young to die.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jack...that gave me the wicked chills. im soo flabergasted! i dont really know what that means but it sounds like it could fit how i feel. wow....i still have the chills so badddd. i absolutly adored that poem the imagery it set andthe words sounded so professional andwhat not. idlike to shake your hand after reading that and not let go.

Anonymous said...

Jack poo you made a very nice poem. It makes me very warm and happy. like im snuggling with a rhinoceros. I was trying to figure out what this poem was about and I couldn’t. you stumped me jack. Too shay. This poem seems like a professional poet wrote it. muy bien.

Anonymous said...

Wow Jack, the imagery i got from your poem helped me to understand what it meant. I hope you keep up the good work because the words in this poem flowed like a river. Good luck later down the road because you havesome skill with the pen. I really hope you make a sequel or add on to this poem, because it was very good and enticing.

Anonymous said...

Still laughing from cheicos snuggling with a rhinoceros line but anyways...the poem was obviously thought out very contently and you had a goal prior to writing the poem. I believe that your goal was somewhere along the lines of writing a deep poem that leaves the reader wanting more. I can tell you that from the readers standpoint it might be a tad bit to deep. Indeed I wanted more but the poem was a little confusing. At first I thought the poem was about a girls struggles. It quickly turned though and almost made me feel as though it was talking about what a girl saw in the future. She was in fear of something to come. And then towards the end you mention that she becomes safe. I don't know...if you were able to understand the poem then Im sure it was lovely. The poem for some reason made m think of the holocaust and the tragedy that came along with it.

Anonymous said...

I like it, but I'll be honest when I say I honestly don't understand it. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just not the kind of poem I like. I like poems with clear cut meanings that I get right away. Maybe that makes me lazy for not wanting to think, but whatever. As always, your imagery is spectacular. To be even more honest, this really reminds me of that poem I wrote for Mrs. B's anthology, except your ending is a lot better. But really, it really kind of scares me how similar those two poems are, even though we based them on two totally different pictures. If you don't have any clue what I'm talkingabout, I'm sorry for confusing you and wasting your time.

Anonymous said...

can someone tell me what is so hard about this poem to understand?

This may be my work, and it may make more sense to me, but it's really nothing that reading it twice can't explain.